Turtlenapper
08-15-2001, 12:23 AM
More 'food' for thought!!!!!!!!!!!
Subject: FW: North & the South
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or
moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that
will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes,
The South has 'mater samiches.
The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.
The North has an ambulance,
The South has an amalance.
The North has the Mafia,
The South has the Klan.
The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.
The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters,
The South has crawdads.
The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along
shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way.
This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Don't buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all
y'all's"is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or child. This is
short for "Y'all ought not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They
can't understand you either.
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most
Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of
them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this, "stay out
of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the
road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere, and that is
the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns,
they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to
aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn
is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER -
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will
accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
==========================
Subject: FW: North & the South
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or
moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that
will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes,
The South has 'mater samiches.
The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.
The North has an ambulance,
The South has an amalance.
The North has the Mafia,
The South has the Klan.
The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.
The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters,
The South has crawdads.
The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along
shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way.
This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Don't buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all
y'all's"is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or child. This is
short for "Y'all ought not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They
can't understand you either.
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most
Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of
them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this, "stay out
of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the
road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere, and that is
the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns,
they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to
aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn
is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER -
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will
accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
==========================